STANDARDIZED BONEHEAD REPLY FORM (posted by Sean Paswater) (original by David Parsons) (who stole it from George McQuary) (who shamelessly appropriated the idea from Dave Sweeney) I took exception to your recent ___ post to _________________________. (newsgroup) ___ email It was (check all that apply): ___ lame. ___ stupid. ___ boring. ___ obvious killfile fodder. ___ much longer than any worthwhile thought of which you may be capable. Your attention is drawn to the fact that: ___ what you posted/said has been done before. (Mark only if above checked) ___ Not only that, it was also done better the last time. ___ your post/mail was a pathetic imitation of _____________________. (net.personality) ___ your post/mail originated on FidoNet. ___ your post/mail originated on Delphi. ___ your post/mail originated on AOL. ___ your post/mail was intended to be email/a post. ___ your post/mail originated on a BBS. ___ your post referred to the newsgroup as a Board, BBoard, BBS, or Notesfile. ___ your post contained commercial advertising. THE FINE FOR THIS IS $20. Please remit immediately to: Usenet News Network Security & Standards Patrol 2300 Davenport C-9 Knoxville, TN 37920-2165 or your posting privileges will be cancelled. ___ your post/letter contained numerous spelling errors. ___ your post/letter contained multiple grammatical errors. ___ YOUR POST CONTAINED EXCESSIVE CAPITALIZATION AND/OR PUNCTUATION!!!!! ___ you posted a "newgroup" message without Leader Kibo's permission. ___ you posted a "rmgroup" message without Bruce Becker's permission. ___ your post/letter was an obvious forgery. (Mark only if above checked) ___ It was done clumsily. ___ you have a lame login name. ___ your machine has a stupid name. ___ your attempt at a middle name fell flat. (Mark only if above checked) ___ Painfully. ___ you quoted an article/letter in followup and added no new text. ___ you quoted an article in followup and only added the line "Me, too!!!" ___ you quoted an article/letter in followup and only added ___ lines of text. ___ you predicted the "Imminent Death of the Net[tm]". (Mark only if above checked) ___ *Without* adding "
at 11". ___ you asked for replies via email because you "don't read this group". ___ you flamed someone who has been around far longer than you. ___ you flamed someone who is far more intelligent and witty than you. ___ your lines are 80 columns wide or wider. ___ you failed to check the "Followups-To:" line. ___ you have no .sig . ___ your .sig is longer than four lines. (Mark only if above checked) ___ And your newsreader truncated it. ___ your .sig is wider than 80 columns. ___ your .sig is tabdamaged. ___ your .sig is longer than your included text. ___ your .sig is longer than the entire rest of your post. ___ your .sig approacheth Kibo's in length. ___ your .sig is ridiculous because (check all that apply): ___ you listed ___ snail mail address(es). (Mark only if above checked) ___ you listed a nine-digit ZIP code. ___ you listed ___ phone numbers for people to use in prank calls. ___ you included a stupid disclaimer. (Mark only if above also) ___ your pathetic attempt at being witty in the disclaimer failed. (Mark only if above also) ___ Miserably. ___ you included: (Mark all that apply) ___ a stupid self-quote. ___ a stupid quote from a net.nobody. ___ a stupid quote from (Mark all that apply) ___ Rush Limbaugh. ___ Dan Quayle. ___ a rock band member. (Mark only if above also) ___ from Rush. ___ (one of) the United Stated Founding Father(s). ___ a reference to Beavis & Butthead. ___ lame ASCII fonts ___ lame ASCII graphic(s) (Choose all that apply): ___ USS Enterprise ___ Australia ___ The Amiga logo ___ Company logo (Mark only if above also) ___ and you stated that you don't speak for your employer. ___ Bicycle ___ Bart Simpson ___ Sword ___ Dinosaur ___ Cat/Dog (Mark only if above also) ___ plural ___ excessive misuse of punctuation marks, namely __________ ___ excessive whitespace Furthermore: ___ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of ___________________ (newsgroup) ___ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of the net. ___ You are a loser. ___ You must have spent your entire life in a skinner box to be this clueless. ___ *plonk* ___ This has been pointed out to you before. ___ It is recommended that you: (Mark all that apply) ___ Go Away. Now. ___ stick to FidoNet and come back when you've grown up. ___ find a volcano and throw yourself in. ___ get a gun and shoot yourself. ___ stop reading Usenet news and get a life. ___ stop sending email and get a life. ___ consume excrement. ___ consume excrement and thus expire. Additional comments: