To my loving wife. ------------------ During the past year, I have tried to seduce you 365 times. I have only succeeded 35 times. This is an average of one every ten days. The following is a list of the reasons why I did not succeed more often: Wake the children...................17 It's too late.......................23 I'ts too hot........................15 It's too cold........................5 It's too early......................15 You were pretending to be asleep....45 Window open,neigbours might hear.....9 Backache.............................8 Toothace.............................7 Giggles..............................6 Too full.............................3 Not in the mood......................1 Baby was crying......................9 Watch the late show..................7 Mud pack.............................4 New hair do..........................5 Company next room....................3 You had to go to the bathroom.......11 Headache............................19 During the 35 times I did succeed the activity was not entirely satisfactory because: 2 times you decided the ceiling needed painting. 5 times you chewed your gum the whole time. 4 times you watched TV over my shoulder18 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with. 6 times I had to wake you up to tell you we were through. And one I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move. Honey it's no damm wonder I drink so much! Your loving husband. X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X Another file downloaded from: NIRVANAnet(tm) & the Temple of the Screaming Electron Jeff Hunter 510-935-5845 Rat Head Ratsnatcher 510-524-3649 Burn This Flag Zardoz 408-363-9766 realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 415-567-7043 Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 415-583-4102 Specializing in conversations, obscure information, high explosives, arcane knowledge, political extremism, diversive sexuality, insane speculation, and wild rumours. ALL-TEXT BBS SYSTEMS. Full access for first-time callers. We don't want to know who you are, where you live, or what your phone number is. We are not Big Brother. "Raw Data for Raw Nerves" X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X