ZDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD? 3The Story Of Spam - Volume Two3 @DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDY This is the story of Spam as remembered from a time not so long ago...And this is how it all began... One day in a multi-player game called Avatar, Laecretius, a fine and powerful sorcerer was running one of the lower levels of the game and roasting and toasting monsteres like all fine young sorcerers do. Then he ran into Ninja -- which instantly trashed Laecretius. However, before dying, Laecretius managed to utter "OH SPAM!" before hitting the floor. All those in the game heard this cry; although they were completely caught off guard, they managed to adapt and began to spread the legend of Spam. It went through many changes of its form within that day from "Wand Of Spam" all the way to "You were teleported in solid SPAM" were heard. Pretty soon, chaos broke out in Avatar as characters began to yell out their favorite Avatar items -- and briefly mentioned that they were made of Spam such as "Helmet Of Spam" and "Spam Bracers". Soon after three hours of this, the people who played the game seriously began to become very annoyed and uttered, "No MORE SPAM!" before turning off the ability to recieve the messages from other players. Although this stopped the Spam slinging for the day...it did not stop it. In fact, the slinging of the Spam just had begun. It continued in Avatar upon unsuspecting characters and players and in several notesfile. Soon, even the great Felixmeister began to hear of the Legend Of Spam, and as soon as that happened, it was confirmed that Nova began to reproduce the luncheon meat. Then Felixmeister the Great zapped the great Avatar game from existance and put in a so called "new and improved" version of the game -- and when he deleted the game, he took the characters that we knew and loved with it. However, this did not cause the death of the Legend Of Spam. It continued to spread via the famous words of Raphael Dareau, Crunch, Merlin, AIESHA, HAMMERCROM, Irongrond, Beth. All the others that slung the spam are just insignifigant. Soon the game of Avatar Mark II began to immediately fill with Spam. It filled up so much it overflowed into other games and other NovaNET groups such as NHS and RVELKS. Soon all of Cherryfield, Maine, and Springerville, Arizona, heard of Spam via a legendary program called TalkLine, written by none other than Raphael Dareau and Merlin. TalkLine, in combination with it's notesfile =purgatory, made Spam history as it began to spread faster than anyone expected. Merlin created the notesfile =spam and linked it with =purgatory. Pretty soon Spam overflowed TalkLine, =purgatory, and =spam and went straight for the heart of =pad. =Pad is considered to be the most important and most read notesfile in existance on NovaNET. And Spam began to spread through there faster than a lawyer goes to a scene of an accident. Pretty soon, it became a everyday occurance for Merlin to sling Spam at the great Felixmeister -- who regretted every minute of it. Pretty soon everyone in =pad got annoyed at Merlin's Spam slinging and Felix's general attempts at just being obtrusive back at Merin -- but the whole situation became even worse when Merlin and Crunch began to post the entire novel "The HitchHiker's Guide To The Galaxy". And as =pad was being filled, it became much worse on Avatar. Avatar was soaked with Spam, and half the population of the game regretted hearing the word of Spam -- and this broke the entire game into factions -- The Slingers Of The Spam, The Neutral Luncheon Meat, and the Anti-Spam. The leaders of the Anti-Spam were jude/mainei and The Lipless One, who declared from his non-existant lips, "No Warlock Shall Eat Spam." This brought on a series of events such as frequent trips to CAPS, the place at the UM where NovaNETers hung around. Merlin just went there to bother the great Lipless one as well as Crunch and Raphael Dareau on occasion. Soon, in a fit of agony, the Lipless One yelled out at 3 in the morning, "Who in the HELL started this SPAM STUFF?" Raphael Dareau and Merlin remained silent while Crunch had disappeared within the Avatar dungeon in a desperate attempt to escape. Raphael Dareau just grinned brillantly and contined to spread his creation through Epigoni, the new leader of the Spam Slingers. Pretty soon people began to bribe the Slingers Of The Spam with High Powered Signons, which did not work, and it eventually lead to death threats from the people of CERL. However, this was all temporary -- About 3 months later the Debmeister came out of her own universe and sucked all the NovaNET ports from existance -- causing a chain reaction that caused the eventual collapse of the universe in Bangor, Maine. Even though CAPS still exists it became a barren wasteland. However, frequent collisions with the NovaNET system do occur there through the semi-godly powers of Merlin. However, since the universe in Bangor was a barren wasteland, The Slingers Of The Spam began to spread Spam in a entirely new fashion -- Through the uses of local BBS systems and NETs which send messages to other people in the United States. Soon Raphael Dareau, Merlin and Crunch "The Gold Is In Your Eat But It Doesn't Melt In Your Hands" began to spread it through the Local BBS's starting with Pinnacle Club II and James Bond Hideaway. And after a period of time from which the local universe itself was bombarded with the concept of Spam, people began to use aliases such as "SpamMan" and more interesting phrases were created such as "It is Raph, the SpamMan with all the answers," "Eat Your Spam, Little Boy" which eventually transformed into "Eat Your TriTel, Little Boy", but that will become a entirely different story (read The Story Of TriTel by Raphael Dareau). Pretty soon Balzac came into the picture and with him came a whole new collection of BBS's to spread the legend of Spam. The great one, called Electra Byte BBS, became Spam Central as it was like Avatar in many ways -- multiuser! People there got tired of Spam and shut the messages from The Slingers Of The Spam off, all except the few who would actually listen. And it was now that the Nationally Famous Spam Festival in Minnesota took place. However, none of the Slingers Of The Spams had enough funding to attend, but they were there in their soul, wishing they could have been in the Spam Sculpting Contest. And then Spam split in two and began to spread in different directions. One branch went to Orono High School and another went to John Bapst Memorial High School. Raphael Dareau, a well known person there, began to spread it amoung his fellow comrades. Half of them hated the entire concept and became the Anti-Spam. A few joined The Neutral Luncheon Meat and changed their name to just "Vienna Sausages" while Raphael Dareau and Mike "The Gavmeister" became the eventual leaders of the Spam inside the school community. Leo, Don and the Sexman headed the leadership of the Anti-Spam while the Vienna Sausage just became like a socialist society within the John Bapst System. This finally led to the Spam Incident, in which case Raphael Dareau brought in a can of Spam at a local tournament. The Anti-Spam basically called foul, broke open the can of Spam, and engulfed the library with its odor. The Slingers Of The Spam immediately called sacrilidge and began to worship the Spam before a kind person decided to clean it up before it rotted. Back to other news, Crunch and Merlin spread it around Orono High School and not much is known about what is happening there -- although the rumor of a teacher running hysterically out of a classroom after Crunch bombareded her with Spam in class.....However, the situation there is becoming worse as factions within the school is beginning to show. The organization of the Anti-Spam appears to be revolving around someone called The Thomasrino. However, our story does not end here. Raphael Dareau and "Gav" still control the Slingers Of The Spam, Crunch and Merlin continue spreading it through their school and other computer networks. The last recorded event in Spam history was that Merlin cooked a can of Spam at 12am one fine day and woke his Mom up with the odor. She was not a happy camper. Crunch finally began running a BBS that slings Spam freshly every night. However, Raphael Dareau, Merlin, and Crunch (as well as Balzac) continue to spread the legend. They continue to find other computer networks -- and you are sure if they enter a computer network -- Spam will follow them in and contaminate the network. THE END